Influence and Trust

“The influential man is the successful man, whether he be rich or poor.”

–Orison Swett Marden

What is the nature of influence?  As a YouTuber, influence is the currency that I have to transact with; after all, the more videos I make, the more influence I wield, and therefore the more views, subscriptions, and maybe eventually, when I’m eligible, the more memberships I’ll receive.  Many YouTubers use that influence to sway their viewership–what YouTube guru Sunny Leonarduzzi calls your “tribe”–into purchasing products through affiliate programs or into taking some sort of action.

Of course, there is nothing wrong with this; in fact, it’s a basic human instinct.  Wielding influence is often the goal of anyone in their space. Without influence, you cannot lead, and without leadership, you cannot accomplish your goals.  Some people wield influence effortlessly, at least in appearance; the most common people that effortlessly curry influence are politicians, TV and radio personalities, prominent content creators on YouTube and Twitch, and social media influencers.  Some spaces have higher barriers to entry than others, and more and more the “alternative” media of the internet is becoming the space to dominate.

There are far more contenders in the space as well; unlike traditional media, there is a very low barrier for entry to become an internet-based influencer.  For instance, the total cost of my studio space, including the computer that I bought before I decided to become a YouTuber, was under $3000. No major TV equipment, no over-the-top microphone (although I have a good one), a simple 1080p webcam.  The barrier I face is the same barrier everyone else faces–obscurity. That can be easier or harder to overcome depending on the niche that you decide to contend in; for instance, the primary niche I operate in, Entropia Universe content, has a very low number of creators operating in it; but the number of people that would be interested in such content is low compared to other niches.  Every EU content creator I have followed, and I do the same, expanded out into other sectors on their channels to try and expand their reach and viewership.

So what is the nature of influence?  Influence can probably be defined as the subtle art of getting others to do what you want.  It’s not an easy skill to develop, and for those not predisposed to extroversion are going to have a harder battle still; to influence people you have to interact with them.  Introverts, myself included, are not easily convinced to interact with people they don’t know unless they are required to. In fact, it was this issue that made me decide to work in sales–I had to force myself to become less introverted on command, even if it was only for the sake of the job, just to make my paycheck.  To a certain extent, it obviously worked: I am now a YouTuber and blogger.

So how do you build influence?  I am still learning, but the most basic thing that you can do is to provide value to those you wish to influence.  Value doesn’t have to cost you anything, either; it can mean creating something that helps others, teaching someone a skill you have, providing honest council to a person struggling with a topic you have experience in.  Most importantly, always tell the truth.  This adage is so important, that whole books have been written about it.  When I was a youth, and until I was in my mid-twenties, I wielded deceit liberally.  It provided me a lot of outs from problems that I had caused or put myself into; it also ended up putting me with people I should have avoided.  While I never committed a crime, it meant I couldn’t even trust myself, or my own recollection of facts, because I would do my best to remember things in the manner of my lie, to seem more truthful.

The result of this should be obvious.  People didn’t believe the simplest words I spoke, and even now in my hometown I can feel the resentment of those I once wronged, more than a decade later.  When I moved to the Midwest, after my divorce, I resolved to always be honest, with myself and others, even when it was painful. This doesn’t mean I don’t handle situations tactfully when called for, but it does mean that I will always be truthful with those I speak to.  I noticed, over time, that people were coming to me for advice when before they did not, or even avoided me.

A final thought on this: it takes a long time to build trust, and even longer to build influence; it takes one mistake to screw it all up.

If you’re interested in reading more about building influence, particularly around trust, I’d like to suggest several works by Jeffrey Gitomer, which I will provide links below.  Full disclosure: these are affiliate links, and I appreciate the support.

The Little Teal Book of Trust by Jeffrey Gitomer

Little Green Book of Getting Your Way by Jeffrey Gitomer

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The Case for Entropia Universe

“Life is a game, and we have to embrace the grind.”

–Julien McBain

Don’t think life is a game?  Define a game. A game is two or more people, engaging in an activity whether cooperative or competitive, using a defined set of rules for interaction with each other.  Sounds a lot like a social contract, doesn’t it? What it comes down to is that we are constantly playing some sort of game; whether it’s the game on a console or PC, or a board game, or the game of negotiating with your children on getting them to bed.  Before the other parents in my readership ratio me for talking about negotiating bedtime, trust me, it’s a negotiation. You negotiate rewards and punishments, even if the negotiation consists of “punishment or no punishment.”

So we play games all the time, and we frame our lives within the architecture of the game of life.  Then along comes MindArk and creates a game that might just be the perfect economic simulation. Additionally, the methods in which players make money, or lose it, are direct parallels to how we do so in real life.  Congratulations, we’re paying Mind Ark for a life simulator that just happens to be more fun than the one we interact with in the real world because it involves monsters.  That’s what it comes down to–humans are hunters and gatherers at heart; we started our existence making a subsistence off of hunting animals for food, gathering resources and food, then trading our surpluses to other people for their surpluses.  Mindark literally gamified the most primal instincts we have.  In fact, the only thing they didn’t gamify for us was the reproductive instinct, and I have no doubt that there are couples that met in Entropia Universe.

This is why we love the game Entropia Universe–it calls to the most primal and simple instincts we as humans have.  It can also teach us to redirect those instincts into our lives at large; after all, EU is arguably the grindiest game ever created (and if it’s not, it’s definitely in the top 5).  How does that differ from how we work our jobs, maintain our families, and raise our children? I’m not saying to resent your family the way we resent the Loot Pool and Lootius some days, what I’m saying is you have to embrace all aspects of it and take what you learn from one platform, say, EU, and apply it to your other platforms, including good old analog life.  Don’t think you can do it?

How much of hunting around other players, especially not in a team, is courtesy?  How do we deal with players that might accidentally (or even deliberately) steal mobs?  What time and energy do you put into dropping probes for ores and en-matters? How much digital real estate have you acquired, if any?  Do you run an in-game business, like a taxi service, or a crafting factory? Maybe you operate a society.

See, all of these have clear cut parallels in the real world, and you can take the skills acquired from the game and apply them to your real life, whether it’s patiently dealing with people, or iterating an automated system, or having to search for the solution to a problem.  Perhaps it’s reading markets and giving advice on whether or not to mark up or down a product. All of these have applications in both platforms, and each of them will have importance to you at some point in your life. Even the act of managing your PED card is no different than managing your bank account, and I’d wager you’re far better at managing the PED card.

So look inside yourself and think about how you can grind a skill in Entropia, then take that skill and apply it to your real life.  Then develop that skill further in the analog world and reapply it to EU. Then see how your development, and that of your Avatar, explode.

It’s About Mindset

“Moving forward is only possible if you put your mind to moving forward.”

–Julien McBain

The majority of success and failure comes down to the one thing we have the most and least control over–our mindset.  Only we can change it, we have the most control over it, yet it is one of the hardest things for us to do. The issue at hand is that changing mindset isn’t as simple as telling yourself to think differently; after all, humans are creatures of habit that tend toward moving to a comfort zone and staying there.  Still too, that it is far easier to accept a mentality of mediocrity and failure than it is to take responsibility to become successful. This doesn’t necessitate success in the socially accepted definition of it, where you own a house, cars, perhaps a business, although it certainly is one version of it; instead it means coming to the point where you have decided you have reached your success point in a given goal, and the biggest barrier to doing so, besides the heretofore mentioned Brain Weasels, is your mindset.

So how does one create a mindset of success?  Our own biology makes that difficult, and nature is a hard thing to overcome.  Every individual is different, and what works for one may not work for another, but there appear to be some key similarities in all sources I’ve read about changing the way we think to push us toward success:

1) Read

According to Iris, the average American reads 4 books a year.  An average CEO will read that many books per month.  This means that they are constantly challenging their brains with new ideas and concepts, learning new techniques or skills.  While you may not have the time or inclination to read forty eight books a year, you might consider increasing from one book a quarter to one book a month, and see where it takes you.  Audiobooks count!

When you read, you dive out of your own brain, and into the brain of another.  This is important, because it gives you time to explore the mindset of a person you aren’t familiar with, and thus can reflect upon your own mindset in turn.  After all, it’s easy to land in an echo chamber if the only thing you have to listen to are your own thoughts, with nothing to challenge them or contradict them, and while this terminology is often applied in political conversation, it equally applies in business, interpersonal relationships, and building skills.  For example, the first three years I fought as a fencer, I practiced the art as taught by Rudolfo Capo Ferro, experimenting with some of the forms of Thibault. After being offered the chance to enter the Black Tiger school, I downloaded and read The Way of the Tiger, written by one Robert Childs, who would later personally proctor my test to become a Tiger myself.  This style challenged not only the style I had fought for so long, but the very teachings of several period masters.  I became fascinated by this style, and the men and women that practiced it; after all, I had fought against three Black Scarves, as they (now we) are called, and one student, called a Cord.  I hadn’t been able to come close to beating any of them.

After review of the material and considering how my own skills had plateaued, I took the Cord and became the student of a friend, who then taught me how to fight using this unique, integrated style.  My fencing skills improved dramatically, and although I am still an intermediate fencer, and have plenty of room to improve, I am much further than I would be, had I rebuffed the challenge to everything I had learned up to that point.  Fencing, like many martial arts, has a number of stances and movements, but application of any movement or stance is dependent upon the master you are modelling after. This new style challenged all of the traditional beliefs I had been taught, and while it in itself also has its weaknesses, it opened my mind to new possibilities.

Thus, strive to take more time out of your life, busy though it is, and read one book a month.  While it may not match the sixty or so that a CEO reads, it will certainly open your mind up to the possibilities that are out there.

2) Write

I’ve said on many occasions that writing is critical to expressing yourself.  It allows a person to express themselves in ways that are well thought out, and concise.  Given my druthers, if I had to pick a path, the way of the writer would be my primary purpose, as I have always enjoyed the act of writing on a regular basis, though there have been periods, sometimes for years, that I will not put word on paper.

Even if you are not predisposed to writing, have a hard time with spelling or have no skill in grammar, it would benefit you to keep a journal at the very least.  This will allow you to get your thoughts out, expressed in a way that they can be reviewed outside of your head, and examined with a critical eye; or a sympathetic one.  It doesn’t mean you have to write a full length article or book, either; even if you were to only write for ten minutes, and even if those scribblings were nonsensical to anyone but you, it is important that you write.

I have an admittedly neglected journal that I take to when I need to express a frustration or doubt, and get it out into print.  My need to journal is somewhat curtailed by these blogs, and the YouTube Videos I create; I share my inner thoughts with you. However, for those things I am uncomfortable expressing to the public, I do in fact have one set aside.  I also have a notebook, which I have mentioned several times in various content, that is my near constant companion. Thus, if an idea strikes me, I can write it down immediately, if only for later dissection and discard.

Take the time to write, at least once a week, and you will find your mind clearer when you go to face a challenge.

3) Make Yourself Big

Note: this did not say “make yourself arrogant.”  By making yourself big, spreading yourself out openly and stretching to as much space as you can take up, you open yourself to the world.  There is a certain vulnerability to making yourself big and taking space; after all, it makes you noticeable. CEOs of major companies are famous for making themselves “big”, by stretching out, taking space, and having a very open posture.  You stand up straight, shoulders back, arms spread wide, as if to address a crowd. This gets your serotonin moving, the chemical that produces feelings of confidence, and makes you feel like you’re a more successful person.

In order to help get my mind in order, when fighting off depression or insecurity, I will stand up and hold my arms out, spread like the wings of a bird, as if I’m holding a large rally or conference where I’m the main speaker.  I imagine a cheering crowd, that are excited to hear what I have to say, even if I don’t have what it would be, imagined in my mind. This little exercise, though nothing more than a daydream, serves to get my blood moving and my brain working on a level different than it was before.  Although I have given presentations on mundane subjects, and never seen a large crowd for one, the imagination helps to bring my mindset to the place I need it to be, to fight off the depression and continue my day, with a boost of confidence.

These three things are not the only keys to a success mindset, but they are certainly important keys.  Take some time each day to think about how you can change how you think, and in turn, see yourself become more successful, in whatever endeavor you seek to accomplish, whether it is in business, or your personal life.

Herding Brain Weasels

Recently, I took on a student of fencing, and was trying to figure out the best way to teach her the style that I use.  It’s a modern style, derived from the styles of period masters like Cappo Ferro and Agrippa, mixed with Eastern fencing techniques largely taken from the styles attributed to the Tokugawa family.  As I put together the foundations for the curriculum I plan to teach, the brain weasels came forth and started to play their games. Those notorious but insidious little bastards, whose only purpose is to make you question everything you do, crept in and tried to play punching bag with my confidence in my ability to pass on the skills that I have been taught by my own mentor.

This is not to say that I am a master at it; not by any stretch.  I am in fact still a student in many ways, and my desire to teach is as much a desire to improve myself as it is to help someone else; it is old wisdom that the best way to learn a skill or improve upon it is to teach it.  Now I have a reason to force myself to practice skills more regularly, that I can teach my student, called a “cord” because of the braided rope they wear on their shoulder, better. Still, it is the anxiety felt of failing my student, or proving myself an unworthy teacher, that necessitates that additional practice; if I lose a match, I have only myself to blame, but if I fail a student, I have not only impacted me, but them as well, and perhaps permanently.

As the brain weasels scurried around in my head prior to me extending the offer of mentorship, I realized that there was some utility to having this mental rodent infestation in my brain.  It is worth mentioning, and highly ironic, that my arms feature an ermine field, which is representative of the fur of a particular species of weasel; it feels even more appropriate now.  I realized, as they darted and tunnelled and played with my confidence that I could use that fear, that anxiety, as the  impetus to do better. If I push myself to accomplish the things I am afraid of failing at, then the fear will become unnecessary because I succeeded.  If I fail, then I can use the chatter of the brain weasels to get myself back in order and try again.

Thus the epiphany came forth: overcoming fear and anxiety has nothing to do with exterminating or running off brain weasels; you have to tame the furry little bastards and bend them to your will.  Only then will Fear and Anxiety have been overcome; only then will those feelings go away.

So how does one do this?  I am still figuring that out, but I am taking a saying I recently found to heart: “if it makes you afraid, you should probably be doing it”.  That’s what I will do.

First Step

“A journey of a thousand miles begins with one step.”

–Chinese Proverb

Throughout our lives, we will experience and undertake various journeys.  Some of these journeys are good, like undertaking a new career venture, starting a new exercise regimen, or moving to a new state or country to pursue a goal.  Some of them are frightening, like moving away from home for the first time, entering the military, or undertaking a new martial art. No matter what that journey is going to look like, it has two things that make it a journey: a starting point, and a final goal or outcome.

When undertaking a journey, it can be overwhelming.  You don’t know how long it will take, in most cases, and you don’t know how much effort it’s going to take to reach the goal.  In fact, you’re almost guaranteed to underestimate the amount of effort that will be required to achieve that goal by a full order of magnitude.  It is for this reason that people are often reluctant to set goals or start journeys in the first place; and then later in life they feel like failures.

Many people avoid setting goals too high, for fear of never being able to attain them.  This is ultimately self-destructive, as it leads to people allowing themselves to “settle” for what they can get, rather than going for what they can achieve.  Looking at the population as a whole, how many people do you think are actually achieving at their maximum level? Five percent? It’s doubtful that it’s above one percent, although it’s impossible to truly calculate the numbers on this.  Part of the reason we never achieve our true potential is because there is no scientific way to calculate what percentage of our potential we have reached; as a society we like to have measurability.

In the end, however, wanting measurability is nothing but an excuse.  The only way you’re going to achieve your goal is to take that first step.  So take a deep breath, write down where the journey you’re about to embark upon is going to take you, and take that first step.

Playing the Game

It is often said that life is a game.  This notion raises eyebrows or elicits rolled eyes as the cliche quote is recycled ad nauseum to a disinterested listener, often someone that has just seen a failure in their lives or careers.  The phrase can be used for both positive and negative spin on any argument. “It’s a game, there are always winners and losers”; “Life’s a game, you gotta keep rolling,” and so forth. The problem is not that life is a game, because it is;  Life, capital “L”, outside of the Milton Bradley board game of the same name (and with a disturbing amount of realism to it for when it was made), is the original Massively Multiplayer Roleplaying Game, which is ironically increasingly played online.  The grind is important because that is how you play such a game, and most of us do so well enough to keep going.

The problem persists, however, in how to overcome the circumstances of our birth, and become more than we are.  Any number of authors are out there to tell you how, although the majority use some take on the Carnegie system, including myself and I’m still a low level player.  Like my heretofore mentioned favourite MMORPG, Entropia Universe, Life is a hardcore skills-based game–there are no levels, you simply grind your skills until they get better.  However, many of us are operating on a set of false assumptions about the game of Life and how to play it. Too often we allow our beliefs about the rules of the game to be influenced by those around us, and in doing so, it pidgeon-holes us into a set of actions, reactions, and routines that allow us to grind at the pace we always have been, but means we only maintain what we have.  Due to this, many of us don’t see the socio-economic verticality that we really want.

This epiphany came to me today, 16 June 2019, as I was mowing my lawn and listening to an Audiobook, the printed version of which I will post an affiliate link below; it’s Grant Cardone’s variant and synthesis of the Carnegie system, and as I review more books written by those that have internalized that system, I came upon the answer to a burning question I’ve had.

The question: “Why do only a small number of people succeed?”

There is a mathematical formula known as the Pareto Distribution, which I have referenced in my recent article on the Golden Rule; it indicates that the more success a person has, the more likely they are to succeed the next time, and that success will likely be geometrically larger.  Conversely, if a person fails, they are likely to fail again, and even worse. The irony of this, of course, is that human psychology and society is more tilted toward pushing failure than success; far too many people don’t want those they know and love to be too successful, because it only proves that they aren’t doing enough to succeed themselves.  Worse still, are those that are pushing toward success, but think they’re failing because of the way that others are treating them.

That bears repeating: people would rather talk others into failure rather than do the work necessary to succeed themselves.  The irony being that they put as much effort into pushing others down as it would take to push themselves up.

There are those that would blame the game itself, the system, the limitations of the engine, or the Rules as written, for being the cause of their woes.  As the old saying goes, “What the F*** Blizzard?” was a frequent question when game mechanics became too tough.  To be fair, the same phrase took a far different tone whenever a player runs into one of the myriad of poop quests.

The problem is that too many people don’t know the rules to the game.  They think they know them, and to a certain extent they do, but they only know the basics.  You can play World of Warcraft, and be fairly successful at doing so, but if you don’t learn how to handle mechanics, rotation, spec, talent trees, and optimization, you’ll only get so far.  Life is exactly the same way, but you have to find those aspects in your life that need to be optimized. Albert Einstein once stated the general answer to my question:

“You have to learn the rules of the game.  Then you have to play better than everyone else.”

Most of us, including and perhaps especially myself, don’t know all the rules to the game.  I would be surprised if there was a single person that does, although if I had to make a guess, it would either be HM Queen Elizabeth II, or Betty White, as both have seen and experienced more than the average person has, and neither could be considered unsuccessful.  This is an obstacle that we all face, and must contend with throughout our lives; we have to seek out and determine what the rules to the game are, and then play the game better than everyone else.

Of course, it’s impossible for all of us to play better than everyone else.  How to grapple with that is a matter that I am continuing to contend with, and attempt to figure out; suffice to say, it is likely contained in one of the Rules that I have yet to learn.  That said, perhaps it can be stated that you must learn and respect the rules, and play the game better than those who seek to stop you.  Country singer Cam once said it thusly:

“I think life gives you lemons, and the thing that I’m working on doing is not watering down, not putting sugar in it.  The more you can take life head on…it’s gonna make you a better person, and then you have nothing left to be afraid of.  And what an awesome way to live.”

In the end, it’s not what you have to contend with, but how you play the game; and the first step of that is to choose to play.  Too many people play because they have to.  Take Life by the horns and choose to play the game, by Life’s rules, and to master them.  Although I cannot say this in itself will breed success, I am working on that hypothesis, and will continue to do so until I find a better one.

The Golden Rule

The Golden Rule is a maxim in almost every religious and social theory, which makes it both the easiest and hardest maxim to break down and unpack.  At its core, the concept appears to be both positive and negative, an encouragement and an admonishment. It has been found in some form in almost every culture, language (except perhaps Klingon), and moral system.  It is easy to follow, if one simply checks their own behaviour before any interaction with other people, and in most social interactions, it is followed. You too should recognize this rule:

Treat others the way you would want to be treated.

It’s a simple rule in concept, and most people take this for granted, as it isn’t a simple rule in practice.  That jarring realization may be why there is such a disparity between the ways we as humans treat each other across cultural and social lines.  Keep in mind, many people, if not the majority, don’t like themselves very well. To make matters worse, there are those that are more than willing to punish themselves for their perceived inadequacies and in doing so believe that we should all be punished in the same way.  This is the road to nihilism, and although there are many, especially in my generation, that embracing such an attitude is either cute or funny, it is really a quick road to tyranny.

So if you don’t treat others the way you want to be treated, would there be an alternative?  Perhaps one that would work best for both parties as they try and cooperate with mutual understanding and respect; something that it is likely both parties would want.  I have seen this example as an alternative to the Golden Rule set forth above, along with its own set of issues:

Treat others how they want to be treated.

This seems to correct for the issue of people not liking themselves, but comes with a set of great issues regarding mutual respect, such as the possibility that the person you’re interacting with is a narcissist.  They may expect you to treat them like they are the proverbial center of the universe. Conversely, they may hold themselves in such contempt that they treat you poorly for treating them too well. Both speak to deeply rooted psychological issues that I frankly lack the qualification to unpack properly; despite learning psychology, and abnormal psychology, at the collegiate level, the complexities of such situations are far beyond my experience.  In any case, these issues, far more common than we may be willing to admit, speak to the deep rooted issue with expecting everyone to treat a person in the manner that person expects; after all, in all likelihood, they may not have earned it. This is even more important when the person hasn’t earned the contempt they expect from other people.

Thus, having exposed the problems with both of the classical ideas of the Golden Rule, there is a third, “prohibitive” example that we can look at unpacking, which may be a better way to frame the rule, even if it is imperfect itself:

You shouldn’t treat others in any manner you don’t want to be treated.

This version solves the problems inherent in the first two versions of the Golden Rule, as it doesn’t place any permissive assumptions on how you treat others; instead it admonishes you to not do something to someone you wouldn’t want done to you. In most cases, this is wise council; as we are all human, those things that harm us would also harm anyone else, whether physically or emotionally.  It is also a good method of checking our own behaviours; after all, if we stop and ask ourselves how we’d feel if we were treated in such a manner, it may stop us from acting.

The problem comes when you factor in the human penchant to enjoy different things, and act in different ways.  For example, when dealing with household employees, butlers and maids by their very profession must be treated in a way that we might not be comfortable with.  Yes, we remain professional and courteous, but they are employed as servants, and are well paid to be so. Therefore, there are protocols involved. Now, having never met a butler (though I do know a few housekeepers, despite never having employed one myself), I don’t know the exact dynamic that butlers have with their employers, although I researched becoming one at one time.  Servant, but not subservient, I believe was the adage in the article for the school of butlery that I was investigating.  Yes, they have schools. Thus, if I ever were to employ a butler, unlikely but possible should I earn my way to that ability, I would suppress my urge to offer them a chair, as that is inappropriate by their own standards; I would be put out if not offered a chair when addressed by someone sitting.

Therefore, while the prohibitive form of the Golden Rule may be the best starting point, we must always temper our interactions with the ability to make good judgement calls based on the situation.  While this should always be the case in every situation, it is frequently ignored, and a form of social absolutism appears frequently in folks, especially those of my generation, the Millennials; while this is a criticism of the most criticized generation currently living, it is not as sharp as it appears.  It reminds us that while we are all products of our experiences, and we should do our best to take into account the perspectives of those we may not entirely understand, or even agree with; you never know, you may learn something from it.

There is one last version of the Golden Rule we must address, and it is dynamically different from the other versions; far from being a method of behaviour, it is a reminder of how the world works.  While I’m sure many of you are nodding your head, some in irritation, it goes thusly:

The one who has the gold makes the rules.

I have seen this used by people both to push their own point (usually by a boss that is dealing with an employee, often poorly), or those having a rough time at work complaining about their position.  Fact is, this will always largely be the case, as those that make the rules got a raise when they got there. It’s also science; the Pareto Distribution. Discovered long before science even existed as a subject, and at the time known as the Matthew Principle, the Pareto Distribution is a graphical representation of how feedback loops make both good and bad things more likely to happen after one has.

In this way, once you start having success, it is far easier to have continuing success as long as you continue to put forth the effort.  Same goes with failure. Now, I could spend an entire essay talking about the finer points of the Pareto Distribution, but I’ll leave you with this: if the one that has the gold, makes the rules, and you don’t like the rules of the game you’re playing now, then you need to figure out how to become the one with the gold.

This may sound tacky, but it has worked for centuries.  Napoleon Hill, Jeffrey Gitomer, Dan Pena, Grant Cardone, all make direct reference to it in their published works; and it was all started by the wily Scotsman named Dale Carnegie.  So follow both golden rules; and become the best person you can be by doing so.